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Mari's INFJ Help Page

Visit my newest, regularly updated INFJ Help Page 11/17/06, Mari

Being one of the rarest types can be special, but being an INFJ has long been called both "a blessing and a curse"

Because we're so protective of our ideas, we soon begin to feel isolated from the world because we can't express ourselves for fear of rejection.  This isolation can turn into depression over time, which makes the INFJ useless to the world, and an unhappy person.  As an INFJ was has been through this process of isolation and lack of acceptance, I feel for others who have experienced the same.  Toward this end, I've launched a "help page" for my fellow INFJs and others who fear expression of their thoughts and ideas. 

"Help! I'm an INFJ!"

Help Source:

A fellow INFJ, Vicki Jo (webmaster of, has helped me work through career related problems through emails.  I love her personality.  She is extremely helpful, warm, and knowledgeable.  She is now a self discovery coach.  I think her website might do any INFJ some good. 

INTPs are those who've helped me gain stability and sanity. They seem to hold appreciation for my global thoughts.  They, being so analytical, have in the past, taken an interest in my complex nature and apparently interesting thoughts. 

In my worst states I've been the negative sides of the ESTP and INFP. 

One who seeks instant gratification (ESTP), or one who becomes a complete dreamer (INFP), keeping all my thoughts and ideas to myself. 

I didn't find true security and sanity until I found people who agreed with, and appreciated my values BUT I did have to change my social behavior, unwilling, to be accepted by the majority of Es I met AND have time to retreat, to think, and regroup according to my values of God/spirituality, education/learning/analyzing the world, good deeds, family, and helping others.  Because we are such strong "feeler-ers" and have values against the norm, we struggle the most internally to find self-acceptance. 

Changing the INFJ's social behavior

  • Speaking about the present, not abstract ideas, that people can relate to
  • Mention frivolities such as fashion, movies, and pop culture to initiate conversations, to belong
  • Asking God for help in this endeavor
  • My culture values the family. I always met people in family settings.  I agreed to go to almost any house my parent's were invited, and hoped I'd find interesting people my age.  Through many years I choose a few people I could at least respect and speak to to be my link to my kind of value-oriented community.  If you're not part of a family oriented culture, I suggest finding mentors and meeting as many people as possible in places you enjoying going to: libraries, book clubs, gardening clubs...etc.  College is also an excellent place to have lunch with friends and classmates.  You'll probably go through many people who do not link with your values, but over time, I expect you'll have a better group of friends to choose from. 
  • I have a large family, and most importantly, an older sister (1 year older than 1) who is an INFP and a complement to the INFJ.  Very helpful when I become irrational. 

"When I was born someone should have told me: 'Be prepared to be misunderstood all of your life.'" - Mari

Changing my social behavior was such a challenge because I didn't want to waste my time speaking of such useless thoughts and ideas

Blogs have also helped me express myself, but without comments sometimes I've felt it useless to write at all.  No Inspiration. 

I am motivated by inspiration, and feel depressed when I'm dry of any: I gain inspiration from books and television - stories of success, harmony, humanity, and benevolent, useful, intellect. 

Originally I tested as an INTJ, or rather, I was torn between a few, and decided I was an INTJ - I like the exclusivity of being a rare type (1%). A type who is extremely, unbeatably intelligent.  My thought process at the time (at the age of 16 in a community college Student Success / Study Skills class), was that I was everything.  I wanted to balance being an Extrovert/Introvert as well as a Feeler/Thinker, but could not arrive at the most accurate type for myself; even after hours of time spent outside of class trying to figure out which type I was.  When I was 17, I took the test again and solidified myself as an IN, but not until I was 18/19 did I finally figure out, after extensive research online, that I was truly an INFJ.  There was no changing it. 

Updated 1/22/06

Again, having one of those "INFJ Moments" while writing a novel based upon my inspired youth, I wondered if I'd ever become anything important or successful in my life since I'd "accomplished" so many things, but was not yet successful in any endeavor. I turned to an INFJ profile by Marina Margaret Heiss who writes "In their own way, INFJs are just as much 'systems builders' as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ 'systems' are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology.  Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually 'blurrier' than anagolus NT ones..."  This makes my writing my story is difficult.  We understand the entire system we're advising (education, for me) but without practical examples and applications, we're unable to put them into writing.  Solution: Take a system in existence, find our ideas within it and use that structure to pursue our vision.  - 5/17/06


Organization for the INFJ

Finally, at the age of 21, with God's help, I've achieved satisfaction in my goals achieved and am content to live the leisurely pace that time takes (as B. Sher says in her "I want too many things" chapter of _I Could Do Anything).  I grew up a selfish second child, but having read somewhere that INFJs are usually only childs, I figure they cannot live in the confines of any strcuture by the kind they create themselves.  Nevertheless, I will offer what I have learned about organization:

Make mind maps or webs to achieve goals.  Take a look at the bigger picture, file each piece of paper into respective PROJECTS and go back to those folders when ready to move forward with those projects. 

See Vicky Jo's page in organziation for INFJs for more tips. 


The INFJ has so many talents and interests that I constnatly wonder, what shall I give my time to? Since we like so many things we understand other people's ambitions to learn and do what they naturally enjoy, and should very well be doing.  I was looking over my INFJ inspiration's webpages, Vicky Jo, and found what personal interests  she's indulgd in as well as what organizations she's been involved in.  Making of Disney's The Lion King, a theatre production, travels to England and Europe, computer repair and training...etc.  Taking a look at my own doings and learnings I find my activites are a wide array as well: teaching inner city 8th graders, studying American history, preseniting a succes sworkshop, creating an education website, becoming a bookeeper, studying make0up artistry...starting a newsletter for a local religious group, teaching with Junior Achievement

Problems Experienced


Instant Gratification

People Who've Helped

"I needed friends I could respect and then the world would open up to me, or rather, I would open up to the world. " ~ Mari

For an INFJ, this is one of the best things s/he can do for the world, and for him/herself. 





Unhelpful People



Help! I'm an INFJ! : includes guide to life as an INFJ

Article: INFJs need more sleep





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